it's like... i remember, but it's hazy...

*boyfriend. boyfriend. as he repeats the word in his head, he gets flashes -- carnal, muscle memories of gon's body slammed against his, gon kissing him, thrusting inside of him. such images should fill him with passion, but all he feels is a dull ache.*

...and i don't feel any of the feelings associated with the memories.

*this emptiness reminds him of what his brother always impressed to him -- that he can only feel joy from killing. is that really the person he wants to be?*