Field in Spring (sfw) (cw: drowning)
Sep. 4th, 2023 02:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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Kalluto's body twitches under the blankets, curled forward, arms huddled around himself.
In his dream, he sees Killua in the mirror, and he's back in his room, the reflection the same except for the two of them. Their hands are touching. Killua is asking if he's okay, if he knows where he is. Blue sparks surge as they realise there's a nearby place they can meet. The mirror isn't working, but Kalluto can get away and be safe.
A throbbing pain between his eyes. It's pure nen, a Condition he agreed to before he left them the first time. He hears Illumi's voice, hears him reacting to what they're talking about. Killua can't hear him, but Kalluto can hear them both, can't hear who Illumi's talking to, but they're coordinating. They know where Killua will be.
"A stronger needle, in the heart, not the skull this time. He controls that thing more completely than we expected."
Kalluto can't call out, there's a pressure in his throat pushing back against the air. He feels light-headed, and Killua can see. He hasn't heard any of the developments, but he can see into Kalluto's eyes. Kalluto stops, marshals his energy, uses his paper to cut, and he screams. Killua can hear it.
It's cut short by water, so much water, surging down his throat. He's knocked backwards, spluttering, then gargling, then drowning, then realises he hasn't touched the ground. He's floating in water that's pushing against him from all directions.
He forces himself to face the mirror. As his vision begins to fade, he's dimly aware that he saw an army of butlers appear out of nowhere in Killua's hotel room - Kalluto's room. He can't hear Killua's voice, but as his brother is being dragged away from the mirror, Kalluto swears he can read his lips, or there's paper that Illumi never touched that he's using to talk.
In his dream, he sees Killua in the mirror, and he's back in his room, the reflection the same except for the two of them. Their hands are touching. Killua is asking if he's okay, if he knows where he is. Blue sparks surge as they realise there's a nearby place they can meet. The mirror isn't working, but Kalluto can get away and be safe.
A throbbing pain between his eyes. It's pure nen, a Condition he agreed to before he left them the first time. He hears Illumi's voice, hears him reacting to what they're talking about. Killua can't hear him, but Kalluto can hear them both, can't hear who Illumi's talking to, but they're coordinating. They know where Killua will be.
"A stronger needle, in the heart, not the skull this time. He controls that thing more completely than we expected."
Kalluto can't call out, there's a pressure in his throat pushing back against the air. He feels light-headed, and Killua can see. He hasn't heard any of the developments, but he can see into Kalluto's eyes. Kalluto stops, marshals his energy, uses his paper to cut, and he screams. Killua can hear it.
It's cut short by water, so much water, surging down his throat. He's knocked backwards, spluttering, then gargling, then drowning, then realises he hasn't touched the ground. He's floating in water that's pushing against him from all directions.
He forces himself to face the mirror. As his vision begins to fade, he's dimly aware that he saw an army of butlers appear out of nowhere in Killua's hotel room - Kalluto's room. He can't hear Killua's voice, but as his brother is being dragged away from the mirror, Kalluto swears he can read his lips, or there's paper that Illumi never touched that he's using to talk.
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Date: 2023-09-11 07:35 am (UTC)I have met that Gon, yeah.
*With soft emphasis, Kalluto was more terse than he wanted to be, careful with his words, again wanting to safeguard how he feels. There was something his older brother said about Gon that applied to them both.*
He's... dazzling.
*Seeing how Killua's face lit up just thinking about Gon, he felt even more silly for unknowingly treading on something that he'd never understand or have for himself. In either world.*
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Date: 2023-09-11 05:30 pm (UTC)*once again, he can't keep the melancholy out of his tone, lingering wistfully on each word. he reaches for another scoop of cheesecake to choke his feelings.*
he told me you met. *he says through his next mouthful.* we're... kind of an item, or something.
*he wishes he could be more confident in that statement, but this is where the cheesecake comes in, forcing down the lump in his throat.*
it's gotten a bit... complicated.
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Date: 2023-09-12 12:33 am (UTC)He clings tighter to Killua, a reflex driven by the question before he can even speak it.*
I heard. After the breakfast, after I'd parted ways with Gon.
*He could have sworn Melody had suggested the relationship in simpler terms. So Kalluto wondered what might have changed.*
Complicated. That's not... because of me, is it?
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Date: 2023-09-12 12:48 am (UTC)no, it was complicated before you got here. let's just say, gon's not an easy one to tie down.
*impressions of his first friend, first partner flash through his mind like snippets from a film reel. the faces of his other lovers, the adrenaline of all the times killua's had to put himself in danger to save him when he's reckless. the rustic, woodsy smell of his cabin and the ever-shifting forms of his dæmon. he takes a break from the cheesecake to lean back and sigh.*
he's... wild.
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Date: 2023-09-12 01:19 am (UTC)There's got to be a happy middle ground. Between the fatalism of our family and... complete anarchy.
*Ultimately, that path was always the same - rolling down hill, following the slope of the nearest immediate sensory pleasure, rather than fulfilment. Kalluto wasn't one to talk - he had had so few oportunities to indulge his whims as he pleased, and he'd taken most of them shamelessly.*
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Date: 2023-09-12 01:28 am (UTC)*the tingling pressure of his brother's face nuzzling into him brings him back to the present, and for the first time since sitting down he takes a moment to fully appreciate his little brother's slight weight on his lap, the delicate firmness of his limbs wrapped around him and that dark, lash-lined stare. with a sun-splash of color to his cheeks, he murmurs,*
...you're awfully clingy. he got you bad, huh?
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Date: 2023-09-12 07:47 am (UTC)I thought I was getting him. But I don't really get what that means, exactly. It felt like I was putting on a jacket that ended up too warm, and he kept giving me mixed signals. And I don't know if I even want any of that!
*He deftly kissed Killua on the cheek, shifting his body forward a little, and craned his neck back when he pulled away, their positions very slightly closer from the neck down.*
I... I think I just want to be touched without thinking about any of that. Romance or... other stuff grown ups do. It's different if we're brothers, isn't it?
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Date: 2023-09-12 12:20 pm (UTC)with a subtle sway of his hips kalluto leans forward then back upon his lap, arching his spine so their stomachs press together, and killua’s flushes with heat, melting the cheesecake within. with one hand braced behind him on the picnic blanket, he tentatively reaches the other up to kalluto’s waist, heart fluttering when his fingers brush bare skin. suddenly, he realizes how much kalluto’s matured since he last saw him in his world, his years apart from killua putting them on nearly equal footing.
as his cheek tingles with the lingering touch of his brother’s lips, killua is reminded, with increasing, dizzying urgency, of the slippery slope of kisses that led his sister to ask him to be her boyfriend and then her husband — but still, he swallows his nerves, and says,*
i think so.
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Date: 2023-09-12 04:00 pm (UTC)Sorry. I'm used to wearing the robes and undergarments all the time. Please don't stop.
*As he spoke, Kalluto's lips brushed against Killua's neck like rocks skipping along the surface of a lake. His voice, just short of begging, was felt against Killua's skin more than it was heard.
No matter how much effort and strain was behind its momentum, all rocks must eventually sink.*
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Date: 2023-09-12 11:35 pm (UTC)*it alarms him how desperate kalluto seems, starved for touch but struggling to swallow it down. is this how he'd acted with gon, too? or is it different, because it's him? he finds himself, maybe selfishly, hoping the latter. curving his hand gently around his waist, he rolls the pad of his thumb back and forth along his skin, tracing the edge of a trembling rib.*
you have plenty of time to figure out what you want.
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Date: 2023-09-13 10:06 am (UTC)*With deep breaths, Kalluto worked his trembling down to errant, sporadic chatters. There wasn't a burning intensity any more to the after-image written by Killua's thumb.*
I missed you too, maybe more than Gon. But I can't...
*Scrunching up his face a little, Kalluto was frustrated trying to explain. Images coursed through his mind of the buffet.*
...When you're hungry, the eating is tied to the need, so you feel better. But this is just...
*He squeezes Killua tight as he can, enslaved by a lingering memory that still thinks Killua is twice his height, a piece that was just beyond the reach of his oldest brother's machinations.*
It's like I'm throwing it all down a pit where I can't see the bottom. But now... I can't not see it.
Please don't go away.
*He needed to tell Killua. Within the minute, or he never would, because he felt it getting harder and harder to push himself.*
Don't want you to leave.
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Date: 2023-09-13 08:01 pm (UTC)'m not going anywhere. i promised alluka and i promise you. i'm staying here.
*his grip on him firms, hand fitting snugly around his slim waist. matured or not, the youngest zoldyck is still the most delicate of all, his weight on his lap so light he'd be liable to drift away himself if he weren't clinging to killua so urgently.*
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Date: 2023-09-14 04:35 pm (UTC)Thank you.
*Dread forms in the pit of his stomach. It gets harder and harder to even think about clearing the air with Killua, until the words are very suddenly all tumbling out of his mouth, abrupt and stilted and graceless.*
I... I need to tell you something. But it's kind of a long story and I don't know if you'll be mad and I hate turning into my Mum but please don't hate me when I tell you this even if you're mad please.
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Date: 2023-09-14 05:41 pm (UTC)relax, i won't hate you.
*his eyes then narrow sternly, but there's still a glint of playfulness in them as he warns,*
i may have to scold you a little, though. what'd you do?
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Date: 2023-09-15 06:44 pm (UTC)*Kalluto sat back, now, eyes staring right through Killua's with an intensity belied by his position plopped squarely in his brother's lap.*
...Don't tell anyone in the Troupe that I showed you, okay? They helped me a lot in developing this, and they wanted me to use it only with them.
*Just as he was motioning to begin his demonstration, he stopped what he was doing and spoke again.*
Oh, but it wasn't a Condition. Don't worry.
*He turned his torso, facing Killua's left side. One arm extended out to the sky, the other hand resting on Killua's thigh. From the short sleeve emerged a tiny piece of paper, small enough for the average person to not even see it if they were looking but well within the perception of Killua. It flew out, arcing in a spiral through the air, then jetted about with a variety of movements. Some were slow, but others were very hard to follow. At the last, it hovered above Killua's head, softly landing and in Killua's hair, snugly embedded in the fluff with a touch of Nen assistance.*
Can you hear me?
*The voice was in Killua's head, calm and clear, but from what he could see of Kalluto's side profile, his lips did not move.*
There are also three more, sent out from my other sleeve.
*He looked at what he was wearing now, self-consciously.*
Easier trick to pull with my robe's sleeves.
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Date: 2023-09-18 05:15 pm (UTC)neat trick. origami comm, huh?
*by now he's already concluded that his brother planted one of these on him last time they met, probably while he was too high on catnip to notice. but since he'd never used it to speak to him, there must be another purpose to it. with dawning dread, killua mutters:*
wait... do these work both ways?
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Date: 2023-09-20 02:49 am (UTC)They do. But I forgot about that at the time. I just cared about tracking it as En, once I figured out Illumi's piggybacking didn't work in this place.... I'm sorry.
*Kalluto curled his hand, squeezing Killua's thigh, guided by an instinct he thought he'd grown out of.*
I... didn't think I'd see you again.
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Date: 2023-09-20 03:41 am (UTC)so... what'd you hear?
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Date: 2023-09-20 08:47 am (UTC)I heard a little about what you did. In the cat room. I shorted the connection, didn't want anything to do with someone that was... so much like Illumi. With him... your body isn't yours. It's his.
*Kalluto shivered, lifting his hand off of Killua's thigh to huddle his arms against himself, shrinking his posture backwards from Killua, from everything.*
The cat room. The drugs. It was all a trap, right? Get my guard down, be sure I wasn't a threat to the life you guys have here. I can't remember what we talked about... what I divulged...
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Date: 2023-09-20 06:57 pm (UTC)it wasn't a trap. *he sighs, then, shaking his head at his own stupidity.* i was just trying to get you to loosen up a little...
*feeling him shy away, he drops his hand from kalluto's side, flattening his palm against the ground so he can sink down into his shoulders in remorse. looking back on it from kalluto's perspective, his actions did seem suspicious. he doesn't blame him for likening him to illumi, but he still balks at the comparison, scowling down across the picnic blanket.*
i know it looks bad, but i'm telling you, i'm not like him.
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Date: 2023-09-21 01:03 am (UTC)As he listened, Kalluto felt something warm creep in amongst the cracks of his conclusions.
He let his hands drop, resting peacefully on his brother's thighs, draped rather than clinging.*
You're sure? I'd have... forgiven you.
*Kalluto stared at the space between his thighs, now.
I hope you can forgive me.
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Date: 2023-09-21 06:07 am (UTC)you didn’t mean any harm. just believe that i didn’t either and we’re square.
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Date: 2023-09-23 07:38 pm (UTC)*Kalluto hugged Killua again, now, but sat up straight. He tilted his body forward so that their cheeks could be in line, and rubbed his against Killua, arms wrapped around him, pressing them together, regressing again to desperation to make up for lost time.*
I think we're all trying to get away from the family.
You feel nothing like him.
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Date: 2023-09-23 10:00 pm (UTC)neither do you.
*he begins to move his hand slowly lower, walking his fingers down his brother's spine.*
i want us to be able to trust each other. can we try that?
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Date: 2023-09-24 01:06 am (UTC)Killua's question prods against this tranquility, Kalluto's thoughts sluggish at first.*
Mmm... I can... I remember... you keeping me safe. S'hazy.
I wanna try, yeah.
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