kalluto's cabin (SFW)

[devil_or_angle]

*after alluka and nanika's ill-fated birthday party has passed, killua leaves her to sleep off her indigestion and sets off down the hall. there's dread in his uneasy heart, a suspicion that there's something his sisters have been keeping from him all this time. not ready yet to confront them about it, he shows up instead at his brother's door with dark circles under his eyes and unkept hair, haggard from all he's been through over the past days and nights. as soon as kalluto answers it, he questions:*

what do you know about the other alluka?

Comments

[devil_or_angle]

*kalluto's soothing touch brings warmth back to his veins, the swirling fog clearing as the new information sinks in, processes through his throbbing skull. under his breath, he murmurs dizzily,*

but... she saved him. and no one died...

*starting to see the path through the haze of confusion, he continues with gradually increasing clarity and confidence.*

so, the payment she just took from me... that wasn't for saving my life. someone else must have wished for something... something big. and i took the punishment.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto listens, not exactly sure what's going on or who is who. On hearing the word "payment", his eyes widen and his touch stiffens, having an inkling that's confirmed with the rest of his sentence. After a minute, his hand starts to move again, along Killua's shoulders.*

It takes a lot more to change the past than heal from it.

*He catches his thumb tracing the underside of Killua's jaw, and stops.

Maybe that's what all of this was about.*

[devil_or_angle]

*change the past... he'd made a wish like that once, hadn't he? had someone else suffered the consequences of that without him knowing? or maybe it wasn't a big enough change to warrant such a harsh punishment... unlike whatever the last wish was.

killua lifts his chin, upturning his face to look at kalluto in tandem with his coaxing fingers. his expression is grave, stricken with the fear of losing the delicate life he's carved out for himself and his friends and family on the airship.*

i've got to tell everyone... don't i? to protect them... and protect her.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto felt stronger than he was, seeing desperate resignation written all over his big brother's face, mind sprinting instead of panicking at whatever must have Killua worried.

Unconsciously, he stroked the side of Killua's face, distantly aware that in another mood, he'd be worried whether he was Manipulating them. Was he now, anyway? Or had he grown out of Illumi's shadow, become more than a defiant antumbra?

Illumi would say that there was only one way to protect everyone. Was he making the right choice avoiding that instead of at least running it by Killua?*

That's a little hasty, isn't it? The less people who tell her their name, the less people you have to worry about. Who made the wish... and why?

*Once he did it, it felt good, pushing aside the idea. But he wouldn't just defer to Killua now, either.*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua frowns, blinking up at his brother before his brow furrows in resistance.*

so what, i should just keep alluka away from everyone? not let her make any friends?

*all he wanted for her was a normal life. somewhere far away from the manipulative assholes who'd imprisoned her, even if he now knows why. with a power like hers, could she ever just be a regular girl? he grips his hair again before slowly dropping his hands, palm-up on his thighs as her stares down at them.*

but it's not her fault, is it? it's nanika...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto flinches at Killua's frown, but keeps his hand soft against his brother, runs it through his hair as he looks down at his lap.

There were a few alternatives, none of which really amounted to the type of freedom that Killua seemed to want for their sister. Would making people use an alias around her work? The family never tested-

A strange word interrupted Kalluto's train of thought, and with that came a sudden disdain for stumbling, again into the family's line of thinking. People would need to die to know whether that worked.*

That word... Nanika... why are you using it like a name?

[devil_or_angle]

*killua gulps, lost in thoughts too treacherous to voice. could he really be considering choosing one over the other? betraying the sweet, doll-faced phantom he'd willingly torn himself apart to please? he answers kalluto's question slowly, guilt curling his fingers back into fists on his lap.*

that's... what she calls her. the other alluka.

*he looks up again at his brother, jaw clenching.*

our other sister.

[descendsanathema]

"Nanika."

*He lets the word work around his tongue, the sound taking on a completely new meaning as a name. It seemed odd to name something that just appeared to make requests and grant wishes, unless...*

"Can you talk to her? Nanika, I mean."

[devil_or_angle]

*killua nods, now kneading nervously at his knees.*

most of the time, she's asleep. but sometimes she'll come out if i ask her to.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto walked over to the couch, sitting close to Killua. He put his arm around his brother, wanting to comfort him, but as soon as their sides were pressed close together, he knew it was for himself, too.

Distantly, blankly, he noted the absence of any of the... strange drives... that had permeated this sort of touch in the garden, and in the plastic world.

He spoke against Killua's skull, finding his lips and face nestled into the floof adorning it, suddenly craving the stimulation. It helped, since he was trying to wrap his mind around the concept of the other Alluka - of Nanika, not 'nanika' - having a distinct personality.*

Are you... okay, right now? You don't need to think of a plan right this second.

[devil_or_angle]

*lost in his own thoughts, killua barely registers the warm press of his brother's body against his side, fluttering a blink only when he feels his breath against his ear. he croaks out a response, shaking his head.*

yeah, i'm -- i mean, she healed me...

*the distant stare in his eyes suggests the opposite of his words.*

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto gasped, getting tufts of hair caught between his lips, before pulling his face back, wiping his mouth, nuzzling at his brother with his mouth tightly closed.*

Then she really did... you...

*He squeezed Killua tight.*

How bad was it? Worse than the worst you've been injured on a job?

[devil_or_angle]

*killua shudders, forced to remember the knife-plunge of his own claws through his flesh, felt by many moments before their death but never before by him.*

well, considering i had to pull out my own organs and give them to her... yeah, it was worse. i'm just lucky she didn't specify which, or i might not have been able make the wish...

*he turns his head to look at his brother, brow creased in distress.*

do you think she would've just let me die? what would alluka do...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto willed himself to not flinch, even though he was shocked, as Killua shuddered. He wasn't strong enough to avoid this in the face of the look Killua gave Kalluto. Within himself, years worth of resolve were cracking at the foundation, the abject fear spreading.*

This.... no, this isn't right. She wouldn't. Anyone else but you!

My Killua stood between our sister and the family because he was so sure she would never... but if she did... then...

Was he wrong, or was there something they were both missing about his old world? Something Killua had learned after he became a Hunter, without going home first, about the two Allukas...

[devil_or_angle]

*killua's heart aches at the thought of the other him, standing up for the two allukas against everything he'd ever known. betraying her now would put his alter to shame.*

you're right, i... i just have to talk to her.

*she must have been planning to heal him all along, right? she'd only hurt him because she knew she could fix him like before. that was the only thing that made sense... but if what kalluto's told him was true, and her power was more of a cosmic balancing than a conscious ability... could he really believe it would spare him?*

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto calmed on instinct as he felt Killua going along with his rationalisations. A deep impulse to be cautious spiked up into his awareness, and with that he slowly breathed his way through what he thought they should do next.*

That might not be enough. My parents weren't right to lock them up, but we do need a plan to avoid costly wishes. One that nanika is on in, discussed with her like a person.

[devil_or_angle]

yeah... maybe there's some way to stop her from asking in the first place.

*he grips his knees again, fretfully kneading the fabric of his pants.*

i can give her anything she wants... i think i've proven that now. maybe i could be enough...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto bit down all kinds of intrusive thoughts as he relaxed, unclenched himself from bracing he'd unknowingly done. He'd expected Killua to expound on all he'd sacrifice for his sisters, and he couldn't handle hearing that right now.*

You have to be enough. It's not fair on you, otherwise.

*For emphasis, he softly poked where Killua had self-consciously covered himself when he talked about the requests from their sister.*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua winces as he's prodded, failing to suppress a sick shudder. he shoots kalluto a grim look.*

she ate it, you know. can you believe that? alluka got so sick...

*a brother who would sacrifice so much for her... how could she ask for more?*

[descendsanathema]

*His hand hovered over Killua's chest where Kalluto had pressed on him, immediately regretting his action due to the physical effect it had, and doubling down as Killua suddenly looked like he wanted to throw up.

Deep down, he felt nothing for Alluka. It was crowded out by so many other, heavier feelings over all these years. Even so, he was ashamed for it to be so clear, when Killua mentioned Alluka falling ill, not one of two anymore, but one rather than the other, the something... the Nanika.*

But...

*His arms tore through the air to squeeze around Killua again, breathing in, not even trying to hide that he wanted his brother's smell to permeate him, to cling deep to his bones and stay forever.

He knew he was confused. The dream used a recent memory of a different brother, but instead of relieving him, his eyes burned, his face tensed as he tried to hold everything back. He was mourning his real brother, trying to smother himself in someone else's.

If this thing was willing to hurt her, then...*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua is even more shocked when kalluto latches onto him, taking his clinging arms as worry for his brother's safety from the bloodlust of their sister. he brings a hand up to comfort him, combing through his silk-straight hair with a ginger touch.*

it's alright, i'm all healed now, and she's recovering...

*he sighs, ribs pushing against the steel brace of his brother's arms.*

i just... i'd always hoped that she... if no one else, just alluka... could be spared, from all of it...

*he trails off with a mournful shudder in his voice, twisting his fingers in kalluto's locks.*

...but it's too late. she's just as stained as the rest of us...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto clings tighter to his brother, complicated emotions swirling around him. His toes crunch as he feels Killua's fingers through his hair, and he shivers, confused.

He opened his mouth, ready to yell at Killua, ask him where this was when it came to himself, his youngest sibling, but before he could speak, the memory of Killua shielding Kalluto with his body takes the air out of his lungs. He quivers, knowing from what Killua is saying, they can't both be the one needing to be comforted.

He squeezes Killua even tighter, takes in a deep breath, not sure of which is which as he speaks.*

I... I shouldn't have blamed her. She's the one affected the most by this curse. And...

*In the end, she wasn't spared, was she? He had no one to talk to about the scene from his nightmare. Things were very foggy in the last few weeks before the mirror, but that piece was so stark, so horrific. Did Illumi take it from him? Did he need it?*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua's heart aches as kalluto's tone fills with remorse, finally understanding just how wronged their sister was. he remembers how suspicious he was of kalluto at first, wary that he was part of the plot to imprison her -- but now he understands that kalluto was just as much a victim, kept from the truth and forced to comply with their abuse.*

it's not your fault... they took her from us.

*he tightens his grip on kalluto's hair, nails pinching at his scalp as a possessive growl creeps into his tone, laced with latent anger at their parents and most of all, the brother who'd brainwashed him.*

took you from me, too.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto squeezed against Killua harder and harder, unabashedly took in gulps of breath, needed this to be more real than the images bludgeoning themselves against his awareness. Still not letting up, he pulled his face back to look his brother in the eyes.

He didn't know he was crying until he felt the hiccups marring the delivery of his reply.*

I'm here now. We're here. I don't... I don't wanna go again.

*So much for being the one to comfort Killua.*

[devil_or_angle]

*as his brother begins to shake in his arms, killua is once again struck with fear and remorse for his latest brush with death, grappling with his own mortality in a whole new way. for so long, all that mattered was survival, completing a mission and living to complete the next. it wasn't until gon, until alluka, until kalluto's return that he truly had something to live for -- a reason to stay alive. for them. he stutters a swallow before he speaks, interrupted by the lump in his throat.*

you won't, i... i won't leave you.

*seeing how shaken he is only strengthens killua's resolve to solve things with nanika, to get her power under control so she, alluka, and kalluto can finally live happily with their big brother. he cups kalluto's trembling chin, his own teary eyes locking onto his brother's as he vows:*

i'm gonna figure this out. i promise.