kalluto's cabin (SFW)

[devil_or_angle]

*after alluka and nanika's ill-fated birthday party has passed, killua leaves her to sleep off her indigestion and sets off down the hall. there's dread in his uneasy heart, a suspicion that there's something his sisters have been keeping from him all this time. not ready yet to confront them about it, he shows up instead at his brother's door with dark circles under his eyes and unkept hair, haggard from all he's been through over the past days and nights. as soon as kalluto answers it, he questions:*

what do you know about the other alluka?

Comments

[descendsanathema]

*Without thinking, Kalluto closed the distance between them, a light touch and twist fanning his own hands under his brother's, then cupping them above Killua's knees, softly disarming him and protecting him from himself at once. The touch was incidental to him. He watched one hand, which shifted to his side rather than limply drop. Satisfied, he looked into Killua's eyes instead.*

We never found out. Gon had never asked you before you went missing... told me it was a sensitive topic between the two of you... sorry, the him and you from my world...

*He frowned.*

Did she make requests? Illumi was adamant that you could wish freely, somehow...

*but if my Killua got an impossible one... that would explain why they both vanished without a trace...

Kalluto's hands fell to his sides, now numb everywhere.*

[devil_or_angle]

*the touch gets him to retract his claws, though they still prick his side through the fabric of his shirt. he finally raises his gaze to meet kalluto's as his hands fall away, both their eyes dark and hollowed out with horror.*

i have, before... but this time, she asked me. i thought it was a payment for my last wish... to save my life.

*his mind continues to reel as it tries to make sense of all the new rules he's just learned, trying to fit together the jumbled puzzle pieces of what happened.*

[descendsanathema]

*His body can barely move, his mind and mouth enough energy for what he can handle. He doesn't even look to his couch, to contemplate that this might be easier for them both if he sits down. He leans forward, lets his upper body rest against his brother's legs, resolve firming against them.*

No. Can't be. Gon never asked, Killua never volunteered, but one thing my Killua did tell Gon was everything after he collapsed fighting...

*He hesitated, having to consider the delicate nature of the airship, and Pitou's contrition. And how he was the only one on it that seemed to have lived out this particular future.*

... a very strong enemy. He made a vow - use it all in one go. All the aura he'd ever control in his life. I wasn't there, but my Killua told him he looked worse than anyone he'd killed. Like his whole soul was gone from his body. It got him back from that. For just a few pats on the head.

The other Alluka never makes a cruel request after healing.

[devil_or_angle]

gon... did that?

*now wracked by horror more powerful than any he's ever known, killua drops his head into his hands, claws reemerging to dig into his scalp instead. he can't even imagine gon in the state kalluto described, can't imagine his brilliant light leaving his eyes and leaving him an empty shell. his heart feels raw, beating exposed in a torn open chest. he realizes now that he never knew the meaning of pain until he learned to love.*

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto lifted his arms again, again wanting to spindle Killua's hands off of himself, but they fell slack. It didn't feel right to deny Killua the catharsis. His palm ran circles along Killua's back instead.

'He never did get his nen back', was what he wanted to say. But at once Kalluto decided that this Killua would only see the vulnerability. Kalluto himself would say, deprived of the cudgel, Gon adapted something else entirely into a scalpel. The first time Kalluto saw him - defiant, sullen. Fierce. Devoted. Back then, becoming a scalpel is the last thing he'd have expected of him.*

Let it out, *Kalluto said, more confidently than he felt.*

I'm not going anywhere.

[devil_or_angle]

*kalluto's soothing touch brings warmth back to his veins, the swirling fog clearing as the new information sinks in, processes through his throbbing skull. under his breath, he murmurs dizzily,*

but... she saved him. and no one died...

*starting to see the path through the haze of confusion, he continues with gradually increasing clarity and confidence.*

so, the payment she just took from me... that wasn't for saving my life. someone else must have wished for something... something big. and i took the punishment.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto listens, not exactly sure what's going on or who is who. On hearing the word "payment", his eyes widen and his touch stiffens, having an inkling that's confirmed with the rest of his sentence. After a minute, his hand starts to move again, along Killua's shoulders.*

It takes a lot more to change the past than heal from it.

*He catches his thumb tracing the underside of Killua's jaw, and stops.

Maybe that's what all of this was about.*

[devil_or_angle]

*change the past... he'd made a wish like that once, hadn't he? had someone else suffered the consequences of that without him knowing? or maybe it wasn't a big enough change to warrant such a harsh punishment... unlike whatever the last wish was.

killua lifts his chin, upturning his face to look at kalluto in tandem with his coaxing fingers. his expression is grave, stricken with the fear of losing the delicate life he's carved out for himself and his friends and family on the airship.*

i've got to tell everyone... don't i? to protect them... and protect her.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto felt stronger than he was, seeing desperate resignation written all over his big brother's face, mind sprinting instead of panicking at whatever must have Killua worried.

Unconsciously, he stroked the side of Killua's face, distantly aware that in another mood, he'd be worried whether he was Manipulating them. Was he now, anyway? Or had he grown out of Illumi's shadow, become more than a defiant antumbra?

Illumi would say that there was only one way to protect everyone. Was he making the right choice avoiding that instead of at least running it by Killua?*

That's a little hasty, isn't it? The less people who tell her their name, the less people you have to worry about. Who made the wish... and why?

*Once he did it, it felt good, pushing aside the idea. But he wouldn't just defer to Killua now, either.*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua frowns, blinking up at his brother before his brow furrows in resistance.*

so what, i should just keep alluka away from everyone? not let her make any friends?

*all he wanted for her was a normal life. somewhere far away from the manipulative assholes who'd imprisoned her, even if he now knows why. with a power like hers, could she ever just be a regular girl? he grips his hair again before slowly dropping his hands, palm-up on his thighs as her stares down at them.*

but it's not her fault, is it? it's nanika...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto flinches at Killua's frown, but keeps his hand soft against his brother, runs it through his hair as he looks down at his lap.

There were a few alternatives, none of which really amounted to the type of freedom that Killua seemed to want for their sister. Would making people use an alias around her work? The family never tested-

A strange word interrupted Kalluto's train of thought, and with that came a sudden disdain for stumbling, again into the family's line of thinking. People would need to die to know whether that worked.*

That word... Nanika... why are you using it like a name?

[devil_or_angle]

*killua gulps, lost in thoughts too treacherous to voice. could he really be considering choosing one over the other? betraying the sweet, doll-faced phantom he'd willingly torn himself apart to please? he answers kalluto's question slowly, guilt curling his fingers back into fists on his lap.*

that's... what she calls her. the other alluka.

*he looks up again at his brother, jaw clenching.*

our other sister.

[descendsanathema]

"Nanika."

*He lets the word work around his tongue, the sound taking on a completely new meaning as a name. It seemed odd to name something that just appeared to make requests and grant wishes, unless...*

"Can you talk to her? Nanika, I mean."

[devil_or_angle]

*killua nods, now kneading nervously at his knees.*

most of the time, she's asleep. but sometimes she'll come out if i ask her to.

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto walked over to the couch, sitting close to Killua. He put his arm around his brother, wanting to comfort him, but as soon as their sides were pressed close together, he knew it was for himself, too.

Distantly, blankly, he noted the absence of any of the... strange drives... that had permeated this sort of touch in the garden, and in the plastic world.

He spoke against Killua's skull, finding his lips and face nestled into the floof adorning it, suddenly craving the stimulation. It helped, since he was trying to wrap his mind around the concept of the other Alluka - of Nanika, not 'nanika' - having a distinct personality.*

Are you... okay, right now? You don't need to think of a plan right this second.

[devil_or_angle]

*lost in his own thoughts, killua barely registers the warm press of his brother's body against his side, fluttering a blink only when he feels his breath against his ear. he croaks out a response, shaking his head.*

yeah, i'm -- i mean, she healed me...

*the distant stare in his eyes suggests the opposite of his words.*

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto gasped, getting tufts of hair caught between his lips, before pulling his face back, wiping his mouth, nuzzling at his brother with his mouth tightly closed.*

Then she really did... you...

*He squeezed Killua tight.*

How bad was it? Worse than the worst you've been injured on a job?

[devil_or_angle]

*killua shudders, forced to remember the knife-plunge of his own claws through his flesh, felt by many moments before their death but never before by him.*

well, considering i had to pull out my own organs and give them to her... yeah, it was worse. i'm just lucky she didn't specify which, or i might not have been able make the wish...

*he turns his head to look at his brother, brow creased in distress.*

do you think she would've just let me die? what would alluka do...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto willed himself to not flinch, even though he was shocked, as Killua shuddered. He wasn't strong enough to avoid this in the face of the look Killua gave Kalluto. Within himself, years worth of resolve were cracking at the foundation, the abject fear spreading.*

This.... no, this isn't right. She wouldn't. Anyone else but you!

My Killua stood between our sister and the family because he was so sure she would never... but if she did... then...

Was he wrong, or was there something they were both missing about his old world? Something Killua had learned after he became a Hunter, without going home first, about the two Allukas...

[devil_or_angle]

*killua's heart aches at the thought of the other him, standing up for the two allukas against everything he'd ever known. betraying her now would put his alter to shame.*

you're right, i... i just have to talk to her.

*she must have been planning to heal him all along, right? she'd only hurt him because she knew she could fix him like before. that was the only thing that made sense... but if what kalluto's told him was true, and her power was more of a cosmic balancing than a conscious ability... could he really believe it would spare him?*

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto calmed on instinct as he felt Killua going along with his rationalisations. A deep impulse to be cautious spiked up into his awareness, and with that he slowly breathed his way through what he thought they should do next.*

That might not be enough. My parents weren't right to lock them up, but we do need a plan to avoid costly wishes. One that nanika is on in, discussed with her like a person.

[devil_or_angle]

yeah... maybe there's some way to stop her from asking in the first place.

*he grips his knees again, fretfully kneading the fabric of his pants.*

i can give her anything she wants... i think i've proven that now. maybe i could be enough...

[descendsanathema]

*Kalluto bit down all kinds of intrusive thoughts as he relaxed, unclenched himself from bracing he'd unknowingly done. He'd expected Killua to expound on all he'd sacrifice for his sisters, and he couldn't handle hearing that right now.*

You have to be enough. It's not fair on you, otherwise.

*For emphasis, he softly poked where Killua had self-consciously covered himself when he talked about the requests from their sister.*

[devil_or_angle]

*killua winces as he's prodded, failing to suppress a sick shudder. he shoots kalluto a grim look.*

she ate it, you know. can you believe that? alluka got so sick...

*a brother who would sacrifice so much for her... how could she ask for more?*

[descendsanathema]

*His hand hovered over Killua's chest where Kalluto had pressed on him, immediately regretting his action due to the physical effect it had, and doubling down as Killua suddenly looked like he wanted to throw up.

Deep down, he felt nothing for Alluka. It was crowded out by so many other, heavier feelings over all these years. Even so, he was ashamed for it to be so clear, when Killua mentioned Alluka falling ill, not one of two anymore, but one rather than the other, the something... the Nanika.*

But...

*His arms tore through the air to squeeze around Killua again, breathing in, not even trying to hide that he wanted his brother's smell to permeate him, to cling deep to his bones and stay forever.

He knew he was confused. The dream used a recent memory of a different brother, but instead of relieving him, his eyes burned, his face tensed as he tried to hold everything back. He was mourning his real brother, trying to smother himself in someone else's.

If this thing was willing to hurt her, then...*